- It's Been A While
- October 26th, 2011
I haven't written in this for a while. Mostly because, well, I'm doing a lot better. I have my bad days and my good days. But when this all started my mother told me, "You're gonna have your bad days, but you'll have your good days too. There will be certain smells and things that make you feel like you're back in that moment and it's happening all over again. But you need to remember that it's not real." And you know what? She was right. I do have my bad days, certain things do make me feel like it's happening all over again, but it isn't real. She also told me I need to continue living. And I am. Everything is going to be okay. She was raped 19 years ago, and she had that mans baby.. but you know what? She's doing so well, I'm so proud of her, and the best thing is.. she has so much love for her daughter, it's the most amazing thing.
I hadn't gotten my period in a while so I took a pregnancy test last night. The results came back negative and today I finally got my period. I have never been so happy to get my period. I am really really happy.
Willy, the guy I met, decided he didn't wanna be with me because I'm a victim of rape. I am no victim. I am a survivor. And I met this guy Bobby, and I told him what happened, he knows it was recent, and he still wants to be with me. He's not freaked out by it. It's just a really good feeling that he's not judging me for it and he accepts what happened and doesn't blame me and doesn't dispose of me because of it. It is a really good feeling. He stays up til 3 am just to talk to me, he texts me just because, and overall he's just a really really sweet guy. And there's no sexual pressure. I love that. There was no sexual pressure even before he knew what happened.
I am also really glad for the friends I have. When I took my pregnancy test I was freaking out so I texted my friend Heather and asked her to come over for when I took the test. She booked it over.
My friend Haileigh has always been amazing no matter what I'm going through. I can tell her anything. She will always be here for me. Recently she's been especially amazing. I know she's on my side looking out for me. I can text her over and over again everytime I have a mental breakdown about the same situation and she doesn't get mad at me for still having breakdowns over it. She gets it and she helps me with every break down.
Nichole, she is by far my best friend, I can tell her anything too. Whenever there's a problem I can just sleep over her house and she'll pull me through. She keeps me grounded and realistic. She keeps me from going overboard. I love her to death and I am so honored to be there for her and to have her in my life.
My life right now is going good considering what's happened in my past. I can finally go out and be happy. I can finally sleep at night. I can fianlly forget.
However, I have a court date and I have to face him on the 16th and I have to write a victim summary before. I can't bring myself to do it yet because it makes me feel uncomfortable. When I'm ready, I'll do it.